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Saturday, January 21, 2006

my infinite love for a02 - ling

karen, you wrote so well. i cried.
mug, you wrote a beautiful entry. falling accidentally in love with a02. i cried too.

when i saw our junior class, i was filled with hope. hope of seeing a replica of us. even thou, in the beginning, i was quite upset that i sort of miss those sparks forming in 06A02, but when i saw them at the great wall, i almost burst out in tears, if not for the mere fact that i still have to bring s14 through 10+ other games. shouting, motivating and cheering a02 on, i saw them huddle one another. i saw them working so hard not to let anyone fall. my mind floated back to a year ago. and that overwhelming sense of loss came back. but with that painful loss, beautiful memories flooded my mind once again.

i was wrong. it's never possible to see 05a02 in 06a02. because it'll be quite impossible to see another 05a02. in fact, it's not quite impossible. it's literally impossible. i dont think any 22 individuals can fit the way we did in first three months. even thou i will not see 05a02 in 06ao2, i have faith in them and i know they will become bonded in their very own special and magical way. i know they will love a02 like we did. i know they will also become true a02-ians in their heart, you know, my fellow a02-ians, everyday i pray for a miracle. for they all to be able to stay in nj and in a02, even after jae. for the mere fact that i dont want them to relive our pain. the pain of separation. that pain is worst than any other forms of physical torture. it's like ten thousand knieves stabbing at you, and yet you're helpless and have to endure the pain silently through tears. that is a pain i dont ever want anyone to go through.

im sorry i never truly embrace the new a02. cos the old one is just too special for me. that memories engraved and etched in my brain is priceless. if anyone want to rob that memory from me, i'd just choose to die. no one can replace the old a02, cos it simply is impossible. in the old a02, i saw love and only love.

when i cried at the oasis the other day, it's because i saw another special a02, similar in a different way and different in a special way. i know they will learn what it is like to be in this very magical a02 family. i know if anyone was made to leave, it will be one of the most painful thing in their lives. but more importantly, it's also because the pain came all flooding back. the images of brynner, sheng, cassy and nat. the heart and soul that was a02. i cry because God took it all away from me. that miracle. that perfection. but i know it'll always be beautiful. because everything ended, when a02 was beautiful. i'd rather not see what will happen if a02 was a02. perhaps things will change. perhaps a02 after first 3 months will evolve into another a02. the only solace i took from our separation is the mere fact that our memories are beautiful, and only beautiful. :D

as usual, i love a02. throughout my 17 plus years, i'd never seen something so beautiful as 22 individuals, becoming one.

KingADRIANthegreat [10:05 PM]

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